“it’s funny that there’s no change in your demeanor when you’re doing bondage compared to when you’re just hanging out.”
“well, what would the point in that be? you don’t want to panic them for no reason. they’re easier to handle if they’re compliant,” he says, eyes full of mischief.
oh, god. that’s hot.
she thinks back to how safe she felt in that first session. two hours chatting on his couch. the kind, disarming smiles. all the jovial reassurances. the safety briefing. the way she let him hold her and grope her soon after. how he chatted through the rope tying until she was completely immobilised. then, the talking stopped, she was pliable enough to do whatever with.
—
her ideal sadist is warm and reassuring on the surface. they say all the right things. maybe they believe them too. but those ideas also allow them to get what they want. their words are calm and measured. they are convincing. when they push, it’s almost imperceptible. over time, boundaries shift. she becomes lesser. then comes the realisation. she has been played. by that point, she’s a lost cause.
it’s more compelling than being overpowered, to be made a willing participant in some villain’s scheme. the skill and smarts to pull it off are alluring. it’s a twisted kind of competence, to manipulate someone and have it feel cosy.
—
her ideal partner is consistently themself. they care less about fitting in. they’re readable to her, even if they aren’t to everyone. they aren’t easily swayed. they will say no even if it’s not socially convenient. outside of a dynamic, they deeply care about fairness. that this can be the same as her sadist is a beautiful contradiction.
—
*under the covers, W/we talk about coercion and brainwashing like they are pastimes. the wrongness in her stomach only makes it more enticing. she says awful things. you can gaslight doll. have her question what really happened and be the one to reassure her. make her dependent and desperate.
—
she loves His smile. the soft looks. the giggles. she can see what He would have looked like as a child.
more than this, she loves that stare. all the warmth gone, like she isn’t worth humouring anymore. it comes when she’s deep in the doll headspace He wants her in. in it, she can’t think for herself anymore. her eyes are blank and searching, and her mouth is hung open waiting for something to fill it.
He stares at her, dropped and drooling at the end of the bed. with a finger, He beckons her upward.
that deep ache in her belly. the growing thirst. He put it there. it directs her to His cock.
looking back, she can’t recall the fuzzy words which made her moan in a stupor. but there are fragments:
“look at you.
such a good cocksleeve.
if I had my way
all you’d be
My fleshlight
used up
put away
nothing else
you want that
take everything I don’t need away
just a hole”
all the while, sucking, stroking, Pleasing.
when He’s finished, He brings her back into the world. nestled under His arm and seeking reassurance, she finds His eyes. those soft eyes. He giggles like it was a game. she laughs too, not sure of the punchline.
—
how well can anyone really know another’s mind? M/s relationships are often so full of trust and certainty. in the dark on her own, she’s wrestles with the worry that she isn’t really known.
her partners seem to love her. but what if they love this projection she’s giving out?
what if she is really lying to them, with her charisma and her need to please?
would they really love all the horrible thoughts inside of her if they could see them?
would they find her constant need for affection to be endearing if it was seen in its totality?
playing with manipulation is hot. it’s losing the game of chess and worshipping the player who bested you. but it’s also catharsis, by way of experiencing the worst case scenario. maybe they were lying the whole time too. none of those sweet words were true. you were being used.
and how does that feel, to sit in that sinister possibility? somehow, it is survivable. she comes out with more sureness of them and of herself.
there’s safety and control in that surrender - to be willingly manipulated, and see that all human interactions come with a degree of trickery. W/we are just acknowledging it, and amplifying the effects for fun.
—-
on paper, playing with manipulation and emotional sadism should invite doubt into the relationship. every action becomes a chance to coerce.
for her, this agreement simplifies the picture. she will be changed and manipulated. sometimes, she will spot it. at others, she will be blissfully unaware. either way, she will be smiling.
in the meantime, she chooses to believe every act of care she is given. His intentions may not be pure, but she trusts the projection, just as He trusts hers.